I am writing this November 4, 2010 from memory, as it is deeply etched in my heart, it is part of me. This dream took place when we lived in Nicholson, Georgia, shortly after Lilly and I got married in 1993.
In the dream I was in a giant playhouse, on the stage, with a giant curtain, and lots of seats going back, row after row after row. It was completely dark in the theater. All the seats were empty. There was just enough light inside to see that all seats were empty and to trace the lines of the walls and balconies, and the interior architecture with my eyes. But as soon as I saw the empty seats, I turned and faced the curtain. There was light coming from behind the curtain, but it didn’t come under, or through a gap in the curtains, it came through very softly as a warm reddish light, like when a kid puts a flashlight in his mouth at night, and the cheek wall (membrane) gets red and bright.
I approached the curtain. It was extremely thick, and looking up I saw it rise about 20 feet to the ceiling, I looked down and it was somehow fastened to the stage, I looked to both sides and it seems to be fastened to stage right and stage left, and I couldn’t see or find a parting in the curtain, there was no way to get to the other side. Yet, I saw a dim red light coming through, and reaching out my right hand I – felt – the curtain. It felt like a living membrane, not like a cloth or fabric. When I reached out and touched it, I realized I could make a way – through – this membrane and I started to push and with the palm of my right hand rub and rub, and rub until the membrane became thin. I kept rubbing in a circular motion, and it made a small hole in the curtain, about the size of a dime. When I realized that I had made a hole, I pulled my hand back from the curtain. As the curtain came toward me a little the hole got slightly larger, like the size of a quarter. Light was issuing forth from the hole which was at about the same height as my belly-button. I took a half step backwards, then bent forward to look through the hole into that light, and what I saw was not light at all.
What I beheld was what I now call the Light-of-God, or “Nur-e-Allah” as expressed in Sufism, and it is not “light” but the living essence of the Reality of God in the Impersonal aspect, formless infinite God as the Living Light of Truth. That experience, my darshan of that Divine Light, was simultaneously blissful and agonizing, and the experience filled me, slowly, with greater and greater amounts of bliss, then more agony, and then more bliss, alternating up and up, filling me up and up, until I felt I was going to “drop my body” (die). The only way I can accurately describe the experience is that in tiny increments, bliss rose in me, then agony, then bliss, to keep me carefully balanced as it rose higher and higher. By rose, I mean filled up, greater amounts of Bliss in me, with agony balancing it out.
At that point, I started to repeat Meher Baba’s name, as I wished to die with his name on my lips. As soon as I started to repeat his name, I began to discern the Divine Plan, written within the light of God itself. That Plan assured me, on many levels, that “there is nothing to worry about.” Most assuredly, it is all being “taken care of”- everything. We are meant to be happy and not worry over the world. At that point when the light had filled me, and the Divine Plan was clear, and my repeating of Meher Baba’s name was continuous I woke up in my bed in Nicholson (near Athens, GA).
My wife, Lilly, was sound asleep next to me in my bed. I felt tremendous energy moving through my body. It was moving from my crown chakra slowly down towards my feet. When it reached my feet, like a professional swimmer, it did a special turn, and then gracefully moved back up towards my head, this went on for some time. While I lay experiencing this energy, the thought came – get up and write down the Divine Plan that you read in the light. Then another thought came – no, let it be, it is all within me, and if I try to move out of bed in my current state, I may in fact drop this form!
Right at that moment, Lilly turned over in the bed, and talked in her sleep: “The first fruits of the Garden are supposed to be given to God.” And then she turned back the other way and started to snore. There was no way she could have known anything I was experiencing, because I was not speaking at all, just being.
The next day I asked her, and she had no memory of speaking in her sleep.
Xia: “All is taken care of, be happy, give yourself first to God,” a perfect summary of not only Laurent’s dream, but a sentiment he also strongly reinforces in my life.
Laurent: This was my first and last experience of its kind wherein I experienced the impersonal formless infinite light of God. It remains ineffable and divinely alive, and contains Infinite Knowledge and Infinite Bliss. There is nothing more I can say. Om